Question...

What is the superlative of "good"?

The answer is "best".

I was given the honour of a similar question, "What is the superlative of obedience?"

For a moment, I was thinking super-laxative, aka lau sai.

Yes, my English is worse then a primary three. I had never got myself really acquainted with Mr Adjective, Mrs Adverb, Prof Past Participants etc. I only know Brother Nouns.

Probably I should really get to know them really well one day... when I'm bored... and then start reading the Primary Six Level English assignment book again!

Mistakes Unlimited Corporation

A stupid mistake I did last year when my phone was lost. At M1 paragon, I was pestered by someone infamous and I foolishly joined his brood.

Nabeh, all was alright until Mr. Color decided to dig his website and people were laughing at the talents. All was alright until I saw my name.

GASP! HORROR! UNBELIEVABLE!

It wasn't in the entry itself, but someone arsehole was mocking me in the comment box. Yah lah, I know how I looked like, and I didn't bother to explain why I agreed to that profile, coz the entry was a year ago, and I just found it.

And I am sure damn glad I had chopped my hair away and is wearing specs. So I looked nothing like the one in the photo with my disheveled curly hair and no-spectacle look.

This just makes me wanna lose weight even more and stack my old look away siah!

Horror once again!

Oh My Goodness!

Job Hunting Day

I sent :

• 2 or 3 Adecco applications (the person-in-charge happen to be my friend!)
• 1 email application to CSIT (eFair)
  
• 1 online application to DSTA (eFair)
• 1 online application to Future Electronics (eFair)
• 1 online HP application
  

Still waiting for:

• Previous phone call from Adecco (the one I sounded unenthusiatic)
• Previous job interview from the rather dubious software company
• Reply from my first job submission to CSIT

Thinking of trying:

• NCS
• Republic Polytecnic
• Other Gov executive jobs

I was typing out SCS and NCS online resume submission when I decided I'm too tired to go on... Headache... Couldn't decide to submit via the eCareerFair portals or on their website. Job hunting sucks!

Sibeh Sibeh Sianz

Sibeh Sianz didn't update his blog for the longest time. I can be the Sibeh Sianz number 2, coz I am sibeh sianz with my exams. WHY ON EARTH DID I CHOOSE THAT MODULE WHICH THE EXAM FALLS ON THE LAST FRIDAY OF EXAM PERIOD?!?!?

I'm not confident about my paper later, coz with less than 3 hours to do the paper, I'm still only 65% done. How to go for exam?

Worse come to worse, muster my 牛屎功, and hopefully, they find it too wordy to mark my papers.

Yeah right.

Haiz... Feel like sleeping when I read the notes... And I slept 3 or 4 times throughout the whole night!

Argh.. quickly get over it and done with!

Haiz...

I am so sick of my notes now, although I only started reading yesterday and exam is tomorrow. I really hate the exams now more than before, despite the papers being so much easier, hated it becoz it's such a long grueling period to my last paper. And because it was easier, I am lacking the motivation to study. So I will study last minute, and when I come out of the exam hall, I will tell myself, "C is good enough!"

What a loser.

I was so determined to get at least 3 B+ this semester, but judging at the rate I'm studying now, I can only hope for 1 now. Looks like I'm doomed to 3rd class honors. Shit!

And my job search looked so bleak too... Haiz...

Next week will be back at home, and I better push myself to the limit, coz the last paper is my only chance of a B+ this semester!!!

roar...

Oh...Happy Day

Wah ha ha ha... I am exhilarated! Saw Mr. Hobbes at Mac today!!! All thanks to Miss Gwee's bad stomach, else I would have miss him out!

La~~~la~~~la~~~

It was so coincidental! Couldn't remember if he specially came school, but the fact that I bumped into him without any planning, was good enough for me to smile until I cramped! Ha ha ha.

U KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO CONTAIN MY COOL WHEN I HAD ALREADY SAW HIM FROM THE CORNER FROM MY EYE!!!

I thought it was someone alike until I recognized his friends with him were from the same FYP lab too.

He took Miss Gwee's seat after his purchase and so we talked and talked and talked, even after Miss Gwee came back.

At one point, I was dying inside to tell Miss Gwee it was him (heard of him but never see before), yet, I wanted to keep talking to him!!! So in the end, we left saying we going to study already... haiz...

Neh mind, he's having exam tomorrow and after that, he will probably return my textbook to me! So maybe can see him again! Yeah~~~

*Continue grinning like the Cheshire Cat*

I don't think he reads my blog, but then, is good if he does, right?

Another happy thing, I got call from Adecco, but then it wasn't for the NZ's Pick n Play, it was a job offer, and I think I must have pissed the lady coz all I said was, "I could give it a try..." which was so unenthusiastic. Ha~~~

She said it is a 6 months to 1 year contract, and conversion based on performance. While I like the job scope she describe, which was more on account maintenance for employees in an investment bank, I don't like the contract part.

Haiz... Just go for the interview and see how lor...

When I was young...

Was dusting some old photo albums over the weekend, and found a favorite photo of me and Dad, our faces were like chop stamp one. Got a favorite photo with Mum, but cannot remember is on which album.
Yeap, that's me, clutching on to a handkerchief. My Mum said the dress I wore disappear after wearing it for one time (Was it because it look so tight on me so it decided to run away?). I guessed I was a happy baby, most of my photos I had that smile plastered on my cheeks. I definitely can be one of those "michelin babies". See my chucky arms! And don't you just feel like touching that wispy mop of hair, and twirl around your index finger? I will, ha ha. Haiz... I wish I still had my baby skin! Looked so bouncy!

Dad said I was so heavy that my skinny Ah-Gong always chuan for air after carrying me. :P

Below is the epitome of "michelin baby"!

You know what I like to do when I was young? Poke my own cheeks... I still got that dog toy in my home now.

Dunno why I poke lah, probably the cameraman asked me to poke my own chubby cheeks.

Mum said I took a lot of photos when I was a baby, coz I was quite a favorite among the uncles and aunties. Of course lah, first fat baby in the Lim clan. My cousins before me were all skinny one. Ha ha ha... even now. Come to think of it, there were only 3 fat babies who were born during the early 80's. A male cousin, me and Jia. But then, I was a weak baby when I was born (weak heart I think), stayed in the hospital for almost a month.

Wah ha ha, I love myself as a baby! Me dig some more after my exams end. =D

Wah...

Another friend getting engaged. This is the number 23 after the secret #1 and a primary school's fren #2 this year. Happy for them, but then, it reminds me of my lonely status.

But heng, I still have 50% of my friends single like me. :P

Kenna Poison

I was almost poisoned just now, coz it was the periodical mosquito-busting fume-the-long-gao again. The fumes was so horribly thick, and a lot penetrated into my room. I could neither open nor close my door, coz I was still "under attack", both in front and behind, but I desperately need some fresh air.

And now, I'm having a throbbing headache and a nauseous stomach, feel like vomiting.

Nabehduous.

Spent half the day job searching, and came across Adecco's New Zealand Pick N Play!!! Any kind soul willing to sponsor my air tickets and minimum NZ$2250 (est. S$2415.55) allowance? I had applied, now I'm just waiting for the person to contact me and discuss.

Worse come to worse, work for a year and apply again next year. =D

It's confirmed

I'm taking up Delphi ex-sup offer as a part timer. The deal is good coz:

1. I'm just handling the division website (flash and html only, don't even need hardcore coding)
   
2. I'm the help support if Sup has any problems with the system programming.
   
3. I'm being offered my IA's pay and maybe more, for a month's worth of job which probably half the time I will be idling.
   
4. I don't have a tight deadline to hit, and I work in the comfort at home (which might be a bad thing too)
5. I can spare my time on our project (Jia and I are coming up with something)

And I can actually job search too! Skali I apply back to Delphi.

I think it was fated that I procrastinated this morning, whether to leave house with Jia, coz Sup sms me in the morning asking me to go down in the afternoon, which I had set to meet Monday today but totally forgot. And I further procrastinated whether to go down coz I had a good time napping until Mum nagged me to go.

It was a nice to go back, coz the staffs still remembered me, and because they had a very bad IA student this time, they remembered me and CC (my partner) even more. Sup fired him halfway through the IA. Damn shiok to know that I was the most popular IA student ever, coz I gossiped with the female staffs and yet delievered results. I was glad about the recognition that Sup gave me, although he wasn't able to offer me a full time job. Ha... Anyway, enough yaya papaya already.

Recession is kicking in, I better find a job asap!

I misplaced my student EZ-link card in AMK Hub's toilet today, and thank goodness the cleaning auntie gave it to the information counter! Phew!

Packing Up

Dad fixed the wardrobe today, and I exchanged with Mum's stuffs to the other side where there's more space. I'm already in preparation for my stuffs at hostel. Jia joked that I was like preparing to bring a home of stuffs back, I replied, "Nah, just half a home of stuffs".

Jia casually mentioned that she might not be used to me being at home, which I had also worried about the same thing. While she feared I had different body clocks to work (they slept pretty early, but that could be easily changed! I slept early nowadays too), I was more afraid of "hanging out" in the family. Need some attitude adjustments.

Btw, stop reminding me that I had a $500 debt, I know!!!!! Grr...

Kiddy Encounters

Okay, I just realized my slim blog was locked, but I had unlocked already!

Anyway, today I had a few kiddy encounters. A girl fell down behind me while I was buying my coffee, and instead of helping her up, I was behaving in an oblivious way, probably because her father was coming to help her. Anyway, after I made my way back to my seat to eat my lunch, I realized I was being an ass hole: Why didn't I help her up? Her father was still walking towards her, and she was just behind me!!! Why Why Why??? Me stupid lah...

Anyway, later when I hopped onto a crowded 199, a father was taking his 2 young daughters out, and the younger one was crying crying crying. to be carried. But the father had a handful time with the pram (he tried to hook to the bar but failed) and holding to her, so probably because of my earlier guilt, I helped him took the pram for a while, so that he could carry the girl. The older girl was just standing in front of me, and later switched to the empty place beside me. I would say she has comfortable time laying on me... especially when the bus swerved.

I took half of my clothes back home today, and to my horror, and I ran out of space to put them. Need a new wardrobe.... The current one is bursting with my clothes! I still got a stack in hostel, how? Not to mention the split got bigger after Mum and Jia tried to shift the heavy set... And so, the board kept dropping coz the equilibrium is shifted too. Haiz... Dad is going to fix for me tomorrow, so I could only count on myself to get a new one...

I think eating too much MSG cause some serious deterioration in my sense of smell and taste. Mum always had stewed the apples to make apple juice. So, when I opened the fridge and saw the plastic bottle containing liquid, I muttered, "Ah, apple juice!" And when I opened the lid, wanting to pour myself a cup, I took a quick whiff at it and thought, "Hey, is barley!" And when I finally drank it, I said, "Oh! It's honey!"

How complicated this drink was! And it turned out to be apple juice. -_-

Never sleep with an empty stomach

In my case, I have no choice lah, coz I need to lose weight!!! Grr...
I dreamt that my mum was pan frying the yam cakes, oh looney good stuffs!

Jia just called and informed me that we are having a lunar birthday celebration for Dad tomorrow, which means I'm going to get my butt back in Yishun in a while later, coz Auntie J is also coming and we love a good four rounds of MJ over jokes and TV later, heh.

Mental note: Control my food portion!

Okie, I'm going to do it!

Yes, after so many NATO (No Action Talk Only), I am determined to take away my fats! And so, I started a blog to keep track of my weight and to ensure you people that I am not starving to get in shape. I had one previous post which I talked about losing weight, and a kind stranger actually emailed me not to over do it. Aww... so nice... Anyway... hop to here to read! It's called 99days of Slimventure, obviously taking cue from The Amazing Adventures of the DietGirl. =D

Okie... So probably now my flight blog will be back to my daily nonsense blog. =D

Just now when I was bathing, I was thinking about the BMI. The calculation of BMI is weight(kg)/height square(m). I was thinking, anything square, is a square, you know? Flat square. That's the formula we use to find area of a square right? So how could our weight divide by the square area of our height? Shouldn't it compare to volume instead since we are like, 3D?

It probably takes more than just primary school maths to achieve this theory, and who am I to doubt right? I'm now too tired to think so much. Study also didn't think so much!

And so, according to the BMI, I can weight between 46.2kg to 62kg. Eh... 62 sounds very heavy leh, hor? Most girls at my height might already starve themselves silly to go to 46kg if they are 62kg.

And I found a fabulous site, nutrition.com.sg, which I can source a lot of information about healthy eating and stuffs. Cool!

And a healthy living lifestyle starts from the bed, hee. Good night, I'm already past my usual bedtime already.

I like my exam seat number today

because the number is 470, =D

But then, I have headache throughout, sianz half.

Wah lau

I went for a jog, wanting to be lighter in some ways. But I came back heavier, coz of a packet of milk.

Neh mind, I got weight loss company already. We going to fight food temptation and freaking fats next week!

I wanted to sleep the moment I started reading my notes... Jiat Lat...

And I'm printing my past year papers now which will be useless 12 hours later. Duhz!

Calvin

Not any Calvin, but the famous Calvin. See!


Was studying halfway when suddenly I thought of and noticed the close resemblance between Calvin and him. Miss Ng, you know who I'm referring right? See row 1 column 3 & 4, wah, 很像叻！Especially the hair... See the adult version of Calvin, totally clone one!

My alternative of me picturing him naked in the cutest way! Woah...
I actually giggled to myself looking at these comic strips!
Okie, kam wan liao. Need to tuck chek already. *Put my eyes back onto my notes.

To all women who have the irritating fat stomach problem despite having stick man figure

Do not drink cold water.

It's really not healthy. Remember the good old advice our mother gave when we first have our period: do not drink cold water if not your period will become heavier.

Turned out that our vagina is afraid of cold, hence whenever we drink cold water, the vagina will tell the brain: Sibeh cold down here, can send fats to me or not.

Hence, the accumulation of the irritating fats that stubbornly refused to go away despite doing 1000 sit ups everyday. They were sent down there to give warm to the V.

And drinking too much cold water or beverages will also cause very bad stomach cramps, I think it is a way of your vagina of complaining: stop giving me cold water.

I noticed I get very bad stomach cramps when I drink cold stuffs near my period, the worst when I downed some alcoholic drink last year during FOC nite. Hence, I limit my cold stuff input. And this is why keeping track of your period is so important, not just to check whether how delayed it was, or how safe it is for having sex. It is important to keep cold stuffs away from your diet during the pre-one week menstrual cycle.

While it is impossibly to keep our mouths away from those delicious cold desserts, limit it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~||~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've been up for 12 hours and I did no reading for my paper tomorrow. Damn power lor!

Helpful Guy

The Kaiwen guy who lost a lot of weight, was very helpful in my weight-loss regime although I have yet to start or erm... never start?

I only posted one comment on his blog:

"WOW! I am so inspired by your weight lost! Personally, I'm targeting 30kgs in 6 months because I'm afraid extreme weight lose might make my skin sag lah, LOL.

Oh my, you are my new found idol!"

and he came replying back, asking for my email and giving me questions so that he could answer and help me on my diet plan. A bit perplex, coz my comment up there didn't ask anything about his weight loss program. I just said I'm targeting myself to lose 30kgs in 6 months and I scared my skin will sag because of extreme weight loss like his.

Anyway, he so helpful, bo reason to reject mah.

So I replied.

Anyway, he was spot-on when he said I must be dropping hair because the food I ate lack nutritional value. So I decide to do something about it: Uncle, put more curry for me, thank ah!

Ha~~~

He said must exercise 3-5 hours to achieve result!!!! 3-5 hours??? How come he so free? He also further mentioned that exercise 30mins a day increase metabolism, and hence lose weight....

Orh~~~

The adventures of Diet Girl

I can't help it. I just kept finding more and more inspirations! Click! DietGirl

Diet Girl's before and after! Miss Size 16 should down to size 14, and will look as fatbulous (delibrate spelling error) as Diet Girl!

Lesson learnt from her blog: Never choose a date to lose weight! She lost half of her weight, wah...

Okie, I shall go jogging under with Mr. Sunny now... Eh, wait, I'm prone to getting dark spots (Did I mention before I just got 2 new ones? One each on my arm, sianz...)

Shall have a rendezvous night with Mr. Moon then.

Wah...

I know my blog has recently morphed into a box where I stashed my new found weight-loss/fat issues articles/group/people. Eh, the idea is stuck in my head, so I sourced around. Anyway... some (articles/blogs) I happened to tumbled upon one.

Turned out it is not just me, is the world.

Quote from BM's blog: "France recently passed a bill to outlaw the promotion of anorexia". Those French, called anorexia and bulimia romantically as ana and mia.

From KennySia's blog, and then to his blog plug, I found this piece of news: Size 16 Beauty Queen. Click: 1 and 2. And I'm having a serious issue with what this HSK person said. But first, let me talk about this size 16 beauty queen.



I think she need to tone up some more, especially her thighs. There are still too many flabs, and she looked huge (okie, she's huge because she's very tall) . I'm not bias against her, why should I, she definitely belong to my circle lor! But then, as a beauty queen, which I really don't know what's wrong with the ang-moh judges, or worse, those people allowing her to pass the preliminary, she just doesn't look good enough, not with her features, she's pretty but is her body. I don't mean she must be skinny, what I mean is she needs to really work out some areas, and maybe 5 more kgs off the scale. But then, I think she said she will be toning up for the Miss England. Woah!

Wah size 16 also can be beauty queen, I also want, I'm size 14! And I'm not ugly!!! =D But I'm a hobbit, =( Her stomach is flatter than me siah! Double sad...

Somehow I think she got lucky because now the world is trying to change the perspective of a healthy body, so she won because she's not skinny, but not obese, on top of a pretty face. They need an ambassador mah.

Back to this HSK person, I was so totally angry with what he/she wrote about size 16 queen, quote from her blog: "okay i mean i am all for women with curves and all that and i do find it disgusting when someone is so skinny they no longer have boobs but there is NO WAY that she is considered healthy."

Beauty queen is healthy okay! A very thin person can be unhealthy too, I had this skinny senior who was down with flu all the time, because to maintain that skinny figure, she ate nothing but bread. Yes, while being fat actually makes more prone to illnesses like high blood pressure, diabetics, but it doesn't mean we are unhealthy, unless we didn't take care of ourselves.

Quote again: "i don't know why ang mo people are so keen to convince themselves that being fat is okay. it's NOT okay to be fat"

Since when being fat is okay in this world deluded with skinnies? The only issue here is whether they (the fat) thinks they are okay or not, and not the world. So if they decide to adhere to the world stupid standards, fine, but if they feel perfectly fine, who is this HSK to judge whether being fat is okay or not?

And for me, even if I lost my weight, I won't be just all skin and bones.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~||~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I slept a total of 15 hours, from 3pm to 6am this morning. Damn shiok siah! But then, my back ache so much that it spread to my torso, and I thought I got stomachache.

This is just more proof that my body is getting old, concuss after 2 days of improper sleep coz of my 2 papers which I study last minute. Last semester I could still do it for 4 days. This semester totally CMI after 2 days.

First thing after exam end: detox. Been eating a lot lately, haiz... screwed up body.

Big is Gorgeous!

I thought I came to a spam site.

But after browsing through it, it was authentic. Finally, a place where I can feel at ease!

SHOUT: BIG IS GORGEOUS!!! The owner Sharmilah was first featured on the ST, and then the AsiaOne. Her support group is at AMK, so near!!!

I think there are more awarenesses to make Big people feel good about themselves, as compared to the past. Of course, I don't mean being fat is good, but then while we are already feeling like oil tanks ourselves, seriously, we don't need the fire from other people to make it worse. I remembered when I was in secondary, school, Mum, Jia and I were strolling back after a market trip. There was this uncle who went "tsk tsk tsk" at us and he stared at us like we were some circus freaks, so rude! So many girls had suffered from anorexia or bulimia because of having to live to the society's standard of healthy, which was actually, neh~~~ And not to mention the TAF-FAT club, which made my already very depressed mental to a new low height. I even had to give up my swimming to go for TAF sessions, stupid not? I could have be the new Jocelyn Yeo. Ha~~~

Obviously, I'm one who didn't really bother it much. But then, of course, I want to feel good and healthy also lah! But then... yah, you get the drift lah. Happy, I eat, not happy, I also eat. But at least my mind is healthy! Ha~~~

I so wanna take the salsa! Belly dance also can! Sharmilah lost 20kgs leh!

Me siao siao again lah. Ha...

Study study study...

1...2...FIRE!

It took me 2 papers to fire up my mood for study.

The last 2 papers gone case already...

Fire up! Fire up!

Big & Beautiful

Finally, an online website that sell big size clothing and shoes: BAB
And from that website, I happened to link to this guy called Kaiwen who lost 25kgs in 35 days!
Why is it that guy can lose so much in a month? His female friend lost only 11 kgs in 3 months! What a huge gap! But then, 11 kgs in 3 months is actually very standard, which works out to 1kg per week. This should be the rate, maybe guys different since their body is made up of muscles mostly.

So then, I am so so so inspired! Coz been having thoughts on weight lost again (eh... it's on my agenda on year round though but never execute, :P). I always plan my weight lost program when I'm having exams, because this is the period which I ate my meals like no tomorrow. No binge though, but just ate more! My stomach can almost be used as table already. Ho Ho.

And I actually wanted to start a weight lost blog when I first start bloggin, but then again, no execution lah, although I started an empty one yesterday, so that I will keep record if I really start this weight lost thingy.

Is this a sign? This is a sign... It's time to hit my notes again.

Sidetrack a bit, wouldn't it be wonderful if we can lost 1 kg for every page read in the stupid notes? Me is siao. Ha!!! But then, my friends lost weight when stressed in exams, I am just the total opposite. Shucks...

Garang

I damn garang.

I'm going for my first exam with only less than a day preparation.

May my crapping skills shine in this paper.

Exam at 9am. Wish me luck!

Kopi no time to finish already.

**********UPDATE**********
I was late for 5 minutes, stupid clock, go so fast! And thank goodness it was just 5 minutes. Saw the same people sitting in front of me again. Always the same blue jacket.

Proof that I lost my talking when I'm in an uncomfortable environment. The person in front was a friend I knew and he was making small chat. I wanted to say, "每个semester都在看你的背影", Ｉ said as "每个semester都是同样的背景"， while looking in front of me.

Damn 叻, very 叻. Coz my friend tot I was referring to the exam paper. -_-|||

What a lucky day!

I went to school, bus came when I reached bus stop.

I wanted to go canteen 2 mini mart, the bus which went there came at the time when I reached school bus stop.

And to be able to buy my favorite cereal which was so hard to find in NTUC in the poorly offered mini mart, double joy!

So, this goes to show my report and stimulation will be lucky too, right?

Conversing in languages we are familiar with

The Popular Bookshop lady was weird. I was at a queue waiting to pay for a marker when a PRC in front of me started querying the lady about some textbooks, in English. She replied to him in Mandarin and they conversed in Mandarin after that.

After like 5 mins, the PRC finally finished his questions on the edition problems and when the books were coming in blah blah. Being a nut in stationery section, I asked the lady to confirm that the double-pointed tip pen in my hand was indeed a marker, in Singlish, "这个是marker hor?"

"Yes, you want a double tip one right?" She replied, in the most perfect Engrish an auntie could articulate.

At that moment, I was thinking, how come she talk to me in English when I spoke Singlish and talk to that PRC in Mandarin when he was speaking in perfect English, albeit the sentence structure, not the pronunciation.

Over here, it was a well-known fact that the PRCs prided themselves for being able to speak English. A yaya-papaya not-a-SG-guy who had been travelling in China also slashed out this point during his HRM, in a not so good way and offended some PRCs in his class. Anyway, whenever a PRC speak English, I always have the tendency to speak in Mandarin, even to the professors. I remembered asking questions in Year 2 to a prof in Mandarin and he replied back in English although he was having problems with it, but he had to because he's an educator and we are in a school and subjects are taught in English (But they are some who communicate in Mandarin to fellow PRC students though). Not that because I couldn't understand their accents, which yes, sometimes were the cause of it, but it was because I prefer to speak Mandarin, and knowing their Mandarin is like the best among us, and I would take note of my pronunciations too. Talking to fellow Singaporeans by default is Singlish lah!

And so, while they were trying to fit into our society by speaking English, in formal situations, we talk to them in Mandarin? Clearly and subconsciously, I think there is a imaginary line that we divide between them and us. If I were a bit more immature, I probably thought they were trying to act high class, although they do thought speaking English made them any more high class, which actually averaged them to be just like normal Singaporean. My mum who was only secondary educated in Chinese could speak English too. Oh yah, she improved it the most when we had an Indo-maid. She chided the maid almost everyday in English, hence, this proved that you need to use languages often in order to learn.

Anyway, with all the PRCs flooding into our tiny island, this language problem had never seemed to surface out, or we are ignoring it? Some of my PRCs friends were totally converted and speaking Singlish now, with a Chinese accent though, which sounded very cute, I supposed youngsters adapt very quickly. It was the older batch of people, who came in straight to work here, definitely, I think they do have an issue with our deformed Mandarin and we with their CMI English.

Just that whenever we were slashing out our unhappiness with it, neither party was around.

Losing my integrity

I'm having jittery bugs all over me now: having second thoughts about the way I did this last project and don't feel like submitting it. Mentioned before, about 40% of the report, maybe, was copied and we totally used some other people's stimulation, although I deleted one thing away, still, almost 99.99% was theirs.

Feeling very bad for using other people's efforts, and feeling very scared that professor will see through it, even though we were not the only one doing all this copycat thing. With exams approaching, really no mood no energy to do the a new stimulation.

Felt that it was entirely my fault, yet again, I felt unjust. Unjust because, firstly, I was supposed to be the know-it-all because of my CCNA background, and so I was to lead them to do the project. Thinking back now, all the praises (?) that TX and WQ (the two guys) totally compelled me to lead the team, while I told them I was half-fucked because I forgot what I learnt. And yes, I could do the IP subnetting already after some revision, then when it comes to the stimulation, I screwed it up again. Even though I didn't do my own stimulation, but then, they were all like depended on me to teach them, so our stimulation was totally wrong coz I didn't revise that part. So by the time I realize what was wrong, I couldn't be bothered to do one again, coz I was supposed to do the control list part. And so, I announced that we would take people's work for submission.

And now that I have to submit, I worried to death. Felt that it was my fault that I didn't get them to do project properly, and even telling them that we took other project and passed it as our own.

I'm failing as a person.

When I was in primary school, I wanted to be the first in class, but then I wasn't. As I got older, the rank in class also got lower. Jia, on the other hand, always top her class, or at least in the top half. In short, her ranking was always better. And being the young kids we were, she showed off and I retorted that her class was not as good as mine.

I don't even want to talk about my secondary school. It was where I realized being among the top carried a heavy burden. As the second highest PSLE scorer in AMKSS, all the teachers could not fathom why the 253 and 251 scorers, sucked in all subjects, probably except our mother tongues. I got to know the 253, a malay girl, coz we were both headliners in secondary 1. Life sucked for us. And for me, finally being in the top 3, failed the standards of a top 3 miserably.

Probably the reason why I was happy in polytechnic was because I wasn't at the very top, yet I wasn't at very bottom, lying somewhere between 4th - 7th place out of my class of 25? The reason contributed to my ranking was probably my 20% laziness and 30% incompetence in projects. But hey, at least I did my own projects.

Now in uni, I am totally and definitely at the lowest layer, or second lowest layer. Yes, many people thought poly students very zai, but I'm not one of them, or at least i tried to, and yes failed miserably again (this is so pet phrase). Putting us at the altar definitely was a very shiok feeling, but for me, it was hard living to the expectations, or myself trying to live up to the expectations I thought.

Precisely this was the scene in this project, 2 guys (the girls were more passive) trying to cajole me into the leading coz I know more than them. Ok, I recalled, I was the one who was lisiting what to do, but then that didn't mean I'm a leader. TX was there annoucing I would be coz i know this. And then, I tried too hard to prove my worth, ending up like a haolian bitch. "Wah, now you talked differently ah! So you very zai lah!" was a sentence lingering since last Friday when we were going through past years paper.

Something I learnt when I was in my poly astro, the person who knew most about the astronomy wasn't the head of club, instead he was the advisor coz we asked him everything. Similarly, if I had abide my stand not to be a leader, and be the advisor, I probably won't feel half as bad now, thinking what lousy things I had done.

I'm definitely not cut-out to be a leader. My Aquarius sign totally proved this point, coz I'm a people-person, I feel most at ease when I'm at peer level, and not a head on top.

I become abulia when I'm being placed at the top knowing I can't do a good job.

"You make a good leader as you are outspoken and respect the views of others even if you don't accept or act on them."
Ok, to make myself feel better, it is not my fault, I'm just listening to the assistant leader's view of copying people's project. Hah, I am such an ass.

Breakfast woes

These few days, I had been very healthy, in terms of my sleep. Sleep between 10pm to 12mn, wake up at 7am-9am, that's almost like 10 hours of sleep! A very healthy screw-up body clock compared to 2 weeks ago? It's been like that since I went home, which I remembered I slept promptly at 9pm almost every night.

And henceforth, the bad side of it was, I've been visiting the canteen like a temple, every morning. And I could spent about $2 - $5 just on my breakfast alone. Just yesterday, I bought a packet of bee hoon with fried fish fillet and egg, and that was around $2.20 already. Then I went to the drink stall and bought 4 pieces of French toasts (It was subconciously, I wanted to buy 1 only coz I felt like eating and I dunno why I say 4) and a packet of coffee, so the total amount was $2.30, coz the toast cost 40c ents each and the coffee was 70 cents. I remembered when I bought the toast for the first time, it was 3 for $1, then the next day, it jumped to 40 cents each. Bloody hell. And so usually I would skip lunch coz my breakfast would take me 2 hours to finish.

Anyway, I decided to buy instant coffee packets, a loaf of bread and some peanut butter jam today, coz it will be a lot more cheaper than buying breakfast on a day-to-day basis. When I made my way to canteen 2 minimart, it was closed! I totally forgot they didn't open on Sunday, but then again, I thought they should open it during exam period? Oh... Exams start officially next week... Bleahz...

Since I was already walked all the way there under the hot sun, I bought 2 waffles, smell to nice to resist. And of coz, my coffee! When I made my order, I order a set, -_-|||, which consisted of 5 pieces of toasts and a coffee. The 5 pieces were only 2 and a half pieces coz they were the traditional kind cut in halves, to think like that made me less guilty of my breakfast indulgence. :P

Lose weight? Yah right, I'm losing my money instead.

Must buy instant coffee packets tomorrow, else 70 cents per day is far too expensive! Haiz, all these is making me hungry.

Many many thoughts

I have loads of thoughts swimming in my brain, too much worries, too little happiness. This goes to shows it's exam freaking period again!

Hooked to cartoon movies lately. Haiz... Thank goodness not many movies available.

Last Lesson

I still couldn't believe I had my last school lesson (probably last one in my life, and I didn't realize it until Anna mention it leh) yesterday and I'm having my final exams next week! All these is so surreal, more surreal than my poly last day. I remember taking photos in the FYP lab on my last day in NYP, and yesterday, although no pictures, we spent it in at the Canadian Pizza in our school, our first group gathering though. =)

My exams are next week and I'm still nowhere near completing or start my revision. Too slack already.

Chiong ah!!!

I used up 3 pens (each had remaining 30% ink left, so that made almost a full pen ) in the past one week, no thanks to IP subnetting! Do until very high... Must prepare more pens for this module.

Now I know why I am so talkative

A lethal combination of East meets West, The Aquarian Pig: "Talkative and friendly, these Pigs love to talk. They give good advice and often serve as role models for family and friends."

Wah ha ha, my advice is only good for one person, most of the time were people advising me. I am a role model for Jamie for sure, coz she picked up my trait of having a greedy bite of food from Jia's plate, and together with the mouth-wide-open waiting for food to drop in.

I think I told the whole world how talkative I am, and how miserably I failed in trying to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I can't stand myself so talkative, but then being talkative means I am really comfortable with the people I am with.

My talkative trait disappears when I'm in a new environment and with strangers. Cousin Sydney once commented I only talked to people I know, exactly same behavior with another friend of mine whom she also knew. And yes, that friend of mine is also an Aquarian Pig.

Of course, there are times when my mouth takes a break, other than during sleep. I don't talk during lessons lor and when I am shitty tired! And then most of the time, I talk, talk talk talk. It's a miracle I don't talk in my sleep. Hee hee.

But then talk too much err too much lah. I didn't realize I was a bit overboard in my tones sometimes, making it like I am high-and-mighty or machiam smart alec leh, which I only knew it after I was kenna suaned back. Bleahz...

So so so, just to justify (my favorite word of the week) myself: 偶是很谦卑地! And I detest people who are over confident coz that makes them proud, and yes, I knew of someone like that. Totally despise that person!

I believe humble goes a long way!

Today was a happy day for me, for my 4718 teammates treated me to Canadian Pizza in school, their form of appreciation because I did the IP calculations which was like doing differentiation once again. Even though in the end I forsake my own IP addresses and used the "samples" that were given to us out of kindheartedness, and ditching the irritating half-fucked stimulation and opted for the "sample" once again, I was glad that they were in full force behind this proposal though. :P

Then I big mouthed lah, coz the two guys were so sure I'm gonna get an A for this module, and I retorted, "Yah, if I get an A I'll treat." And now the two guys are selecting their restaurants already. *Slap forehead*

Making it Big

Was surfing aimlessly on "laptop sleeves for women" when I came upon this article on "Avion Laptop Bags". Penelope designed The Avion when she couldn't find a laptop bag that was ladylike and which could spared her from backache, shoulder aches. The Avion is for mature working ladies, so she design a funkier messenger/postmen bag for the younger women to hold their laptop. I was attracted to the design, but then the thought of slugging a laptop is already heavy enough. Cut to the chase, the bag was rated number one bestseller.

Anyway, this reminded me of Fancl's founder, Mr. Ikemori, whose wife was bogged down by skin problems due to the preservatives in those skin products. So he created a brand of his own and voila, Fancl was born.

And there was this women who also opened a line of home products whose name I missed. Her son was allergic to the chemicals or some reactants in those common brand, so she came up with a hypo-allergic product.

So, what I want to say is, Jia, their situations are like your case where you can't find a perfect bag, so the perfect solution is to design a bag you desired and you might make it big! =D

The word "funkier" was in highlight because it was to remind me the small typo error I made while typing. Just a character wrong, and the meaning is word apart. Due to my increasingly fatter fingers, and increasingly haywire brain, I type the word "fuckier". Dunno how the "c" popped out.

I am so fat...

that I actually felt my chin touchng my chest when chomping on food in a slouching position. Gosh!

Get my life back

Heh, I went to sleep for another 4 hours just now. But then, I'm now lazy to do work. Jiat lat.

Experts said that irregular sleep and stress cause our body to become fat, coz our bodies are overwhelmed and metabolism won't work properly. No wonder my double chins are getting obvious everyday. I tot there's something wrong with my home mirror, like they are becoming those funny mirrors.

Just one more week and I could get my life back to normal, 4 more weeks to freedom!

wa buay sai koon, wa ji jun si beh jiat lat

Why? Why? Why?

Why can't I sleep soundly for at least 20 hours?

I woke up at 2am to bath coz I concussed, again, this time at around 10pm? Woke up to the itchiness.

FYI, I like being clean, and I always bath before I sleep, but these few days were so weird. I was dirty and sticky, but I just couldn't summon my energy to bath. My eyes were already half-closed while waiting for Dad, so that we could sing-song-cut-cake-take-pictures. So after dinner & cake, I went to bed. I felt like I'm morphing into MMTXRTT, whose Friday nights are No-Bath Day.

At least I woke up in the middle of the night to bath, but this is so disruptive. I'm supposed to enjoy my home bed, but Jamie ended up lying on my bed longer than me. Simi logic?

And the fact that I didn't and couldn't go back to sleep after bath is more irritating! I wanted to do work lah, but ended up surfing around the web and then the sun rises and I auto geared to eat breakfast, despite having shitloads of food in my stomach coz I didn't let them digest first before I sleep.

Now my stomach is 7 months okie! You people can't see it coz I sucked in the extra 3 inches. And I forced myself to sit really straight in train or bus if there's people beside me coz I don't want them poking my muffins when they take their phones/read newspaper/cross their arms.

This is really kanasai.

Previous post is removed, coz the more I read the mushier I thought. I ain't no desperado; me ain't writing anymore things about like this except during PMS; me ain't going to think of boy and lament why no boy like me; I love myself!

Busy Busy Busy

Today very busy, but not busy studying or working projects, but busy shopping with sisters at AMK Hub. Was a bit gian to shop after having dinner at AMK Hub yesterday after project, so today I went down again with Jia and Min.

Window shopped most of the time, and then something terrible happened: Min's EZ-link card was kenna stolen in the toilet, coz she forgot to wear her sling bag after the "business" and didn't realize it until 20 minutes later. So we spent about half an hour reporting card lost and deactivated the card too.

Then we went to eat at the food mall, so that Min would feel better coz she was pulling such a long face that I tot she was a horse leh. Wah lau, then I was kenna cheated. Simi "Spicy Seafood Ramen", the Jap stall was selling a bowl of laksa mixed with tom yam and yellow noodles to me lor. Wah lau eh. Should have bought the Hokkien mee instead.

Haiz...Spent money again. Bought a Baleno lycra top, shared with Jia, so it was 2 for $20. Wanted to buy another top, then Jia said not worth it, so I didn't splurge much, heng lah. Lusted after Jia's new shoes, I told her, if she not buying, I buy. So she buy lor, coz she said I have enough shoes already. I happened to clear my cupboard today, so I counted: I have 6 pairs of heels, 1 pair of ballet flats, 1 pair of sandal, 1 pair of very chui sport shoes and 1 pair of slippers, a lot meh? I think my mum has more leh, and Min has even more shoes can? White shoes alone contributed 4 pairs.

Had an early birthday celebration for Dad today. He very cute lah, the past year we have been eating outside ever since Jia started working, this we went budget coz we figured that outside food couldn't be compared to home cook food. Wah, my Dad acted innocent and asked, "We not eating out meh?" LMAO.

While eating dinner, he hiamed this and that to my Mum, so when my Mum stared hardly at him, he put that innocent face again. Buay tahan lah, Jia and I laughed until pengz watching the 2 old folks squabbling. As discussed, Jia and me are going to Penang from 17th to 19th in May. So we were reminiscing our last trip to Penang, and Jia had to blurt out my embarrassing past: On our way to Penang that time, I didn't eat the airplane food coz I tot I got to pay. Wah lau, I couldn't even remember lor. Jia emphasized that she was so flabbergasted with my reaction that this memory stuck with her.

Sorry lah, it was my virgin trip in a plane mah!

Tonight probably will sleep like a log, coz I've been awake since 3am. 3am leh! I am so tired now lor... still got two projects to do. Haiz.... Eyes are shutting down...

Jia was getting some veggie on Jamie's plate for dinner, and there were fried prawns, pork rib & peanut soup and kailan. So Jia went chanting like this while getting the veggie: 1 fried prawn, 1 pork rib... then my mum chipped in and said, "One nian gao" (FYI, there was a plate of untouch nian gao by my relatives during CNY, so my mum cut it up wanted to deep fried them) I said, "It sounds like the 'One people. one nation, one Singapore', the food...." "AKA the culinary version", Jia finished my last sentence. Damn funny lah!

Nonsense is my first name.

It's 6am now.

I woke up 3 hours ago, took a bath and took a bite.

Returning home is too much of a comfort that I actually feel all the strains and aches that I didn't notice when I'm in hostel.

Suddenly, I felt dehydrated and very dry. There was a tinge of burning sensation in my lips, which occurs when lacking from water. So I lugged a one-litre water bottle with me to do project today but I ended up drinking only 200ml. Need more water.

And I got so tired and konked out when I reached home today. I didn't even bother to change clothes. And despite the clink-clink-clank-clank commotion by my relatives at 1am, I managed to concuss until Jia came to ask me if I wanted to go Penang, which she will sponsor. I think I answered "You asking me at the wrong time lah, I don't know if I want to go." After much talking by her which I couldn't remember what she said, so I think I'm leaving for Penang in mid May. I heard her complaining to my mum, godmum and er-gu, "Wah, sponsor her go trip she still complain I ask her wrong time! But she going lah!" Heh.

Seeing numbers whole day and I couldn't write a decent sentence.

Anna mentioned I was quite emo over my FYP demo. Yeap, I was but I'm fine now. Think it's the PMS that time you know.

Other than PMS triggering emotion flood, alone in a room looking at a PC doing nothing also trigger flood of thoughts, but then I not good at putting thoughts into words, and I am "pretty good at it".

I mean, like in my mind I wanted to do this but I ended doing a nonsense that.

Anyway, I just had a few very irritating thoughts lah.

So while all along I was fantansizing and believing in my current fairytale of "I like him and he seemed to like me too although I am fat", suddenly, I noticed that hanging out too much and too frequently made me to know more about him. And the more I know, the more I felt that it is a dream that wouldn't come true, because knowing all the goodness about him , I just felt so unworthy for him. I think I am making myself to believe that he like me although he is not. Maybe he is just teasing me like the way TX does, not because he wanted to attract my attention; talking to me as merely as a friend, not because he wanted to hear my voice; help me with my projects as I seemed to be drown in and cannot cope and he was pulled in by them anyway, not because he pity the sorry state I looked. He probably might hate how I am so quite useless? I'm beginning to hate this crush thing although it is what it gets my butt to school.

I talked a lot of nonsense when I am stressed or tired, as pointed out by TX. I felt so paiseh when he pointed it out an incident during our HRM last sem to the 4718 teammates. So last year, while I was pouring out a lot of nonsensical words, they just drank it all in? That's when TX said they dunno what I talking, and I was like so damn high. Wah lau, I couldn't even remember what I said to them that time except buying 2 breads and telling them it would be gone by morning. Need to check blog history. What embarassing things did I say again?

Wah biang!

I heard a woman singing just now, dam eerie, not that she sang eeriely, but the fact that a woman singing at 6am was eerie. Or was it Jamie talking/singing in her dream?

I am indeed honest..

I am so honest that my face said "OH MY FREAKING GOD! WHY AM I SO LUCKY TO BUMP INTO HIM?" when I chanced upon my FYP supervisor on my way to lunch with Miss Ng. Uttered truthful nonsense when he asked me how did my demo went.

Wah lau lau...

My heart almost pulsed to death during design class. So stressed, trying to work out the VLSM subnets, coz many of them said I good at it and many of them said they not sure how to do it. Alamak, aku tak very good except some background knowledge some 3 or 4 years back. It did not help at all when we got the birthday boy today to coach us and I was pushed to the front line to do an example first. Could feel my heart jumping out any moment. I certainly hoped my facial expression did not give out any embarrassing signs.

Stressed.

Rain O Rain

Rain O Rain,
Must have sense my pain.
Shed the tears,
Because of my fear?

Rain O Rain,
You come I faint.
Smell like chloroform,
Knock me out of my conscious thoughts!

Rain O Rain,
You did not cry in vain.
For I slept like a baby,
And drool touch my belly!

Rain O Rain,
What you get to gain?
Oh, so you like to mock at,
Laundries which always wet!

Rain O Rain,
Time to stop your game.
Give Sunny the few days,
To display his powerful rays.

Horoscope for today

Tiredness, respiratory troubles and stomach pains may come to bother you. Take care of the quality of your food and your sleep. If you feel yourself to be besieged by morose thoughts, do much physical exercise or participate in humanitarian activities. Calmly bear the criticisms which will be made against you. If you live in couple, make a great effort to hear your mate out.

Kind of true isn't it? The above bold text was exactly what happened to me lately, and I haven't been making a lot of effort in getting enough rest and proper food. Haiz...

Organizing

I just spent close to 7 hours printing and sorting my lecture notes and I'm still not finished. -_-|||

FYP Flop

My demo did not went as smoothly as I thought. In fact, I did not know what I was talking although I wasn't nervous, probably lack of sleep. The questions the moderator asked were totally out of my expectations, as most of them were not even technical except "how many codes of lines is your program?".

The first thing he said was, "Your project doesn't show that much was done" or "Your project showed nothing much", somewhere along the meaning. I was totally deflated when he said that, but then he continued saying that I did not have to worry about failing though. He then asked me if I was (am) honest person, of course I said yes lah. Weird question right? Anyway, he said even he didn't ask, he knew I was because of the things I wrote in my report: I admitted in my report that my project was not up to expectation. So as I was babbling how I felt that there was no point deceiving him blah blah blah, he asked me, "Will you take this project again if you were to choose again?" The lack of sleep had caused me to be very incoherent and not intuitive, I actually answered a big fat NO! Wah lau, even a dumb dumb knows that given such a question, no matter how much you hated, you should always answered yes. Feeling the hotness in my face, I quickly explained how interesting this project was, and how I started very enthusiastic about it (which I think my sup could verify). I just became half-hearted when school work started piling up. Anyway, I wished I could just jump into a man-hole and escaped at that point.

Then he asked again, "Are you Singaporean?" another weird question, and after I answered, he said he could see that I am Singaporean. Funny, he knew all my answers yet he still asked. Then he gave me a brief lecture on how I should sell the plus points in a project and hide the weakness (he emphasized that he wasn't trying to teach me how to lie) in the future if I go to work, blah blah blah.

Throughout the 15 minutes, I was really truthful about everything I said (and of course I hide the fact that I started it very late), because it didn't feel like a demo, it was more like a pep talk + counseling session, and my remaining level of confidence was dripping away as he talked. And then, he asked what was I expecting to graduate with my degree, I lied that I was expecting 2nd lower when in fact, I'm prepared to get 3rd.

If I could, I wished to tell him that I actually regret taking up this degree course.

When I go back to the lab because of a project meeting later, it was my instinct to make the experience sounded funny and I appeared nonchalant when my project mates asked how did the demo went, opposite them sat the girl who did the demo before me. The instinct was to cover up my sense of disappointment, not with my project, but with myself.

A delayed PMS and sudden period activated emotional flood in me, again.

When I woke up 4am this morning, I started thinking about my life, about myself as a person. I mentioned before that I sometimes really hated my character: too nice too lazy too chin chai too much procrastination. I wanted to be hardworking, not the kind of hardworking when rushing a project, but the kind where I'm pushed to the limit to achieve something, and not just do something. I dunno what am I good at except a glutton, a braggart, not the exaggerative kind though. I am so pretentious at times, not to pretend something I'm not, but pretend emotionally sometimes, not all the times. I'm not kind to unleash my real feelings, unless I'm at the breakdown point, like now, but then again, it might not be real coz I'm just having another bad day with womanly sickness.

I knew I could do my project, I knew I was lazy, so I started early, and it didn't seem to help, coz I was not disciplined enough. It's a very funny situation. I started early becoz I knew I will be lazy in the process, and it did, but if I started early this also showed a bit of hardworking right? Sometimes, I felt that I deliberately make myself lazy and undisciplined so that I will pushed myself in the end and achieve a miracle, a less-than-normal miracle. Then why didn't I push myself more at first?

Back to my project, I knew I got a very interesting project, and a project which could shine if I had been disciplined enough to do it. Even if I was to do the project with no school modules, no exams, the lack of discipline in me could probably achieve a normal result. Thinking back, not talking about regrets, if I had been consistent in doing, I probably won't be writing all this and instead, would be talking how fantastic my demo was, wowing the professor?

Like Jia said, I had always been lucky but somehow, I didn't know how to count my blessings. Does it consider a bless if I pass my FYP despite doing shit work to it, or it is a bless to achieve a A if I had worked hard? Which one is more blessing? How do you defined a blessed life? I know of someone who had like 27 As in his transcript, several job offers from the top govt agencies and companies and still unhappy about life, most of the time hating his singlehood, yet I have another friend who quit school, worked in a small company, single also but happy.

I think, it all goes down to how we think.

Feeling back to normal now after writing this post.