Yawn... Finally the Physics quiz ended, but exams coming, really need to get my ass to study hard. After the quiz yesterday, I realised I'm very very very weak. I couldn't do half of the questions. Jiat Lat... :( I don't want to da bao for next semester!!!!! I shall study study study and blogging. Hee hee.
After the quiz yesterday, went to watch movie with a friend, "The Devil's Rejects". Sounds cool huh, the word "devil" deceived us into watching. This movie is the worst I ever seen. No storyline, no climax, no plot, no explanation, no yan daos, only chio bus (wat phak, we gals also want to see yan dao leh), got freaks, got ah peks, got gruesome killing scene, got aunties flirting, fuck is in every sentence, lame jokes, the suppose good guy kills more gruesomely than the bad guys, and bad guys suddenly become victims, good guy kanna killed, bad guys died in somewhat a heroic manner. What lousy superwhite movie is this? The fuckananer something wrong in his head. The director is Rob Zombie, no wonder. A Zombie's movie isn't for human viewing pleasure. Even the website is stupid, I clicked "Skip intro" so that I don't have to wait phaking long, in the end it still leads me to a flash website that needs to phaking download. Lousy show has lousy website. The sound effects was so goddamn irritating whenever I mouseover something. Wah Biangz Eh! Heng I don't have to pay for this show. It's so lousy that a couple left 30 minutes later. Those remaining are couples smooching in the dark, not watching the goddamn show and we got to watch other free shows, those loners I think wanking to Baby (the only chio one) in the dark, maybe?
One scene I find it stupid, Baby (1 of the killers, very chio) was doing a sexy dance to the rhythm of this catchy phrase, "Chi-nese... Ja-panese... See my knees" and then jingle her boobs. What the fuckanana.
I shall move on to "Be With Me".
It is a local film done by Eric Khoo, based on Theresa Tan's story. Theresa is a blind and deaf lady. "Be With Me" was actually a title of her poem. She had approached Eric to do this film. There were 3 stories which intersect in between, and Theresa will sometimes pop out of the scene. Storyline? I dunno, coz this is an artistic film, so it is meant for people who are right-brain, they appreciate such 抽象 matters. I'm a left-brained who do maths better than drawing, so I can't comment much. The show is a bit draggy (艺术的 movie 好像都是 jiang 的 hor), but not boring. According to an unoffical statistic done, the whole show has less than 20 lines. The 1st line was, "Uncle! Orh Lua Jit Pua!" (Uncle! A plate of oysters omelette!).
Up next, highlight of this blog, "Phileine Says Sorry".
This is a Dutch film, it is so damn funny. Like "The Devil's Reject", the word "fuck" appear more than 80% of the lines. However, there is story line, there is plot, got yandaos and chio bus, got nice sceneries. It also teach you how to do a proper blowjob, wah hahaha, I'll come to that later.
Phileine is a stubborn girl who nevers says sorry and she hated the word too. So all her exs were jerks till she met Max. So things were happy for her and Max until one day, Max told her that he was going to New York for an exchange theatre program with other international students, and a famous director. So Phileine let him went there.
Phileine decide to give him a surprise visit at New York. What do ang mohs couple do when they see each after long time? 一日不见， 如隔三秋。 Well they fucked lah, what else. Philene is a powerhouse, so she's quite hiong, and weird. When she saw Max (mind you, she was in a ready to fuck position, on top of Max), she said, "When I saw you, the first thing I wanted to do was to suck your dick, make you super horny ......(can't remember) and shoot me across the room but now I changed my mind." Max obviously wasn't very happy that she turned him on and now letting him play himself meh. So he made Phileine lie down on the bed, and said with a sexy Dutch accent, "Hmm.. I don't like rough sex for now, but Chinese had an idiom, 'Making Rain and Water', which sound better than rough hardcore sex, and let's start making rain with water". Phileine replied, "I don't know what 'Making Rain and Water' means, I only know it sounded damn sexy and makes me horny". Then as they start to kiss, lick, hug, I think the tap in Max's room also hot and horny and started to jerk itself and the water from it falls like rain, like that not enough, there were thunder and lightning. They are really depicting 'Making Rain and Water' (翻腾覆雨). We laughed like mad. (I must have been so engrossed that's why I din realised my pouch dropped on the floor.)
This show has a lot of funny sexual scenes, like one, Phileine and Crotch (Phileine called her this, don't know her name) were faking orgasm in a restaurant after 2 Americans shared their views on fake orgasm. The whole restaurant was looking at them. Ok, now the part on blowjob. I shall put it as a dialogue between the 2 of them (edited a bit coz it was quite long):
Crotch: Do you use your tougue when doing blowjob?
Phileine, recalling as she partially sticked her tougue out: I think so, what's up?
Crotch: We have to re-learn. Last night I was giving this guy a head. I thought he will enjoy it very much if I licked his diong diong crazy. But he shouted me to stop and ask me what the fuck I was doing? He said the the real art to blowjob is to make it feel like the dick is fucking a vagina, and does vagina has tougue? No!
Phileine: So how do we go about it?
Crotch: Open your mouth and say "ho...ly...", don't move your lips and tougue when saying.
Wahahaha, so ironic siah! They are teaching blowjob using the word "holy". Next time when I curse, I shall curse "Ho....ly.... ch88by8", yeah? wah hahahaha.
Anyway, the climax was Phileine found out that Max had to do real fucking scene with the main lead actress, Joanne, she went bersek and on the day of premier, she screwed the whole thing up. It was a big hoo-haa for it was part of the Shakespere's Festival. Max was angry with her but in the end, he decided to follow Phileine and gave up his acting. However, before he managed to find Phileine in the crazy mob of reporters, she had left with Joanne's husband. 他做初一，她就做十五lor.
Anyway, Max knew she went off with Joanne's husband and had fucked him, but he would only forgive her if she apologized. But she tek gong and Max, angered, left her stranded outside a pizza shop. He had prepared her a gift. Inside the box was a invitation to an AIDS relief party (another ironic part, the people at the party were fucking each other lor, and the theme was have protected sex, what phak!) Phileine went to find him. So the story ended with Phileine apologizing and Max forgave her lah!
When the showed ended, we were laughing and some scenes. Then I was joking to my friend, " I got a shocked when I saw we were sitting in between 3 ah nehs(so qiao lor), I was so scared they will start wanking. Luckily this show isn't harcore porno like those in Yang Tze, if not we have to wear poncho." My friend, having the same sense of humour as me, "I was having the same thoughts lor!" and we started laughing.
Then we also imitated the holy thing. Ke ke ke.
Come, repeat after me and say, "Ho...Ly..."
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