Stay or Leave?

My boss called me in for a "casual chat" half an hour before knockoff time. We sat in the very meeting room where he interviewed me.

He said he would want me to stay on, coz he doesn't want to waste the effort in grooming me. All the while he talked, I listened.

Even though he said he will try to keep me if he could, but the things he said, made me want to leave even more.

Points I taken note:

• I earn $100 more than colleague on my left (COML) but my performance is not as good as her
• If I were to combine my performance with colleague on my right (COMR), we still not as good as COML
• I am not passionate about my job (I totally agree, it's hard when the table is messy 24/7) but I still do my work!
  
• I am not proactive (I believe I did, but probably too insignificant to COMR who report everything)
• I am not confident (It drained off day by day)
• I am not mature like COML when handling issues (which part?)
  
• I am not as structured or organized as CMOL

He asked me for the reason as to why I am leaving, I can't bring it to say. There were too many factors, and most of them are pointing to the people and things around me.

My boss once said I am not a team player, I tried to micro-manage my teammates' things, knowing what they had done, what issues they were handling. End up? I am not structured or organized. What a joke.

Boss said COMR is good in technical, from what I see, he's good at taichi-ing. I never told my boss what COMR told me when I asked him questions about the machine lying around.

• "Dunno, the Blackberry is on YOUR table" - what the fuck, we share the workspace!
• "I dun deal with windows 2000" - fuck you, it's your job to learn both operating systems!
• "I dunno, I didn't handle it." - seriously, you aren't a team player too!
  

Boss said I made a very sudden decision, where got? He was preampted by COML who helpfully told Boss that I cried because I MIGHT BE RESIGNING!

I would have gave second thoughts about leaving, but the 30 minutes chat seems more like "Why we don't need you" talk. I was fighting to hold back my tears, coz he really made me feel like I am not an asset to the company.

I took 1 minute to think, and I gave my final answer.

The lousy me cried in the toilet for 10 minutes.