It's been ages since I dutifully exfoliate and slapped my face with sheet masks or overnight cream. I finally exfoliate my face, and what a huge difference it made! It looked radiant!
Where is the auntie I saw in the mirror this morning?
Ah... Missed my facial last week, shall booked another timing soon...
I love pampers!
Was on MC today, and it struck me that I always get sick panic attacks whenever I felt stressed and completely incompetent at work. I had headache when I woke up this morning, the really annoying and refused to go away so I rolled back into my bed instead, and called in sick.
All along, I tot it was because my gastric problem, which gave me tension headache. It wasn't until the doctor asked me if my work is stressed, then I realized the root of problem.
While I'm not yet really stressed by the work yet, coming soon anyway, I was actually stressed by the environment. I'm new to the team despite having a job for 8 months, which I was practically self study most of the time. The mock project we did for 2 months I had almost zero involvement till the last minute, when the leading was on MC. I really had it free and easy, and I tried to keep up with my readings.
Now as I officially entered into the team, immediately, I felt a great disparity between me and my teammates. Firstly, they all guys lah. Secondly, what they know and understand scares me. Nope, not because they are very experienced. I mean there's this one guy I observed, he's been there for a year I think but I could see the seniors loved him every bit. He's smart, he's hardworking, and he's totally can be depended on. Even though I do not understand the system yet, but I do know he's handling quite a major task now. My 2 weeks there, never once did I see him taking a nap! Power!
And I practically screwed up my first task (the web system) with the laptop and I almost caused them to lose 6 years worth of data, thankfully, we managed to revert the system back. If a simple task I can't do it well, I think I will really jinxed the major system sooner or later lor.
While I clicked OK with the guys whom were with me at main office during the audit, it wasn't with the others. I do want to join in their conversations, I want to crack jokes, I want to laugh with them, but there's the fear and irritating thought "She's so lame" inside my head and stuffed my opening mouth with it. There is this constant awkwardness lingering above us.
Even when I tried a conversation with one, it started and ended with a cold full stop.
This is so J&J all over again!!! I hate it and don't want it to be like this!
When they were discussing the system which I had absolutely zero idea what they talking about, I could feel an adrenalin rush in me, coz this system is like so cool but difficult. Despite how many times I told some people I won't be staying for long (I had no motivations during the first 8 months!), now that I had a peek into the project, I kinda loved it. Of course, maybe before I started screwing everyone with my sotongness and then hate myself for being so lousy and then moved onto the next job and then repeat the whole cycle again.
Maybe I'm a little impatient, I'm just 2 weeks in that place.
Give myself more time.
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