I was browsing thru Friendster, when memories of random events came flooding back. I realised, I've tried so hard to keep up with people's expectation of me, that I kinda lost myself. Even if I done something to show them that I'm listening to their advice, it turned out, still not good enough...
What the hell did I go thru to make myself miserable? Damn...
Sometimes, I think I'm also trying to seek attention from them, thus I tried so hard to be what they want me to be, yet it turned out, I'm feeling uneasy and they also don't really see it thru. In fact, when it was I myself wanted to become live up to my own expectation, I'm happier, because I'm doing for myself and not anyone.
I've been living in self denial that "I do not care what people think of me", just the opposite, I mind what they think of me very much! Being it physically or non physical remark, I took it to heart and I would keep harping on the issue until I'm satisfied or they gradually forgot the matter too.
So much for being "myself"...
Anyway, I think I've gone thru some gradual changes... it felt like my energy is draning away... Pls make me 16 again!
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