I need clear and specific instructions

Been feeling moody, especially now that I am cleared to go sites. It is suppose to be a happy news, coz going to sites = money. I felt worse, because there's nothing I know if I really go and support them. For the past 2 years in my job, I felt that I am wasting time. Not just because they wasted my time with all these clearance issues, I myself had no idea what to do either.The 2 years could have been utilized well but I did not.

It seemed like ever since I went into this project, all I heard was how scary this project was, I don't know if that indirectly affect my decisions to a lot of things. Heck, my life seemed to go downhill since getting into university. Lousy grade, lousy work, lousy personality.

I know I decide my life myself, but I can't help but feeling all my decisions are lousy. Wouldn't it be better if someone decides for me and so if anything goes wrong, I don't have to shoulder that mistake. Mistakes are a huge burden. They say, "Learn from mistakes", but I never seem to able to. I made more mistakes. Even deciding which queue to join could prove to me how lousy my decision was. I always ended with either the slow auntie or a fussy buyer.

I sort of falling into places now at work, now with my clearance all passed and team lead throwing things for me to do, I should feel valued. Yet, all I could think of was, "No, don't ask me! I dunno!!!" I already have lesser workload and yet I can't churn anything out right.

I used to think I'm good in a lot of things, now I think I sucked at a lot of things. I took MC today not only because I was really sick and weak (damn the doc who scolded me for MC-ing), it was to avoid what I haver to face at work. I seriously don't wanna go to work, not because the work is freaking a lot, it isn't compared to my other colleagues, but because I don't want to do as I dunno if I could do it. Yeap, I'm a runner, I run away from harsh reality.

My last job, I marched right in with overloaded confidence of I know my stuffs, only to be banished to the lowliest level of a lousy support engineer whose technical skills aren't even as good as a newbie. I'm not sure if that really roasted whatever self esteem I may left in myself, I walked right into another job with the mentality I'm lousy and I can't learn tough stuffs coz I have a simple brain which work one way direction only.

"Don't just say ok ok to, prove to me you know how to do. I know you can one" was what my team lead messaged me after he requested to see the tasks by this week. He threw to me like months ago. Saying OK is so much easier than telling him "I not sure if I can complete". At least I will try to complete it since I have a deadline.

I hated going to work during my last job, and now for me is I really dreaded going to work. I felt so useless over there. I don't seem to picking up anything they taught me. And I don't know why. I can't face my boss and team lead without feeling a sense of guilt. I know they covered a lot of shit for me and I truly want to return the favor by showing my capability, but all I did was like making them regret for covering me up. The 3 Ps that my ex boss said I lacked is like finally showing out in full glory. Lack passion, lack pro activeness and very passive.

My post is suppose to be super emo, but it seemed like a joke after reading it. Maybe my life is on e big huge joke, with so many mistakes. Once in a while, I will google "suicidal thoughts/depression during PMS" just to ensure that I am normal to think like that during moody period. I guess, only when I really die, then will I know what cause it. It's either accident or depression.

I'm losing the zest for life.

I finally signed up a 5km fun run!!!

One small step to a healthier lifestyle.

Time to start training. =)

The stupidest sentence I ever said (adding to the hall of shame)

I was buying my favourite mango cake at Mangoesity yesterday, and the friendly lady, whom I presume is the boss, was striking up a conversation with me. She only asked, "So how did you find our cakes?"

And this is what I replied:

Wah, very nice, super nice. After I ate, I had withdrawal symptoms leh, has a craving for more gelee. It's almost like I had snuffed heroine or something. Very nice! BTW, don't start opening more outlets, k? Coz standards will drop!

Who in the right mind tells a boss who has huge plans for their business not to start more shops?

Me lah!

I am so pissed with myself.

For buying my camera far too early!!!

As a matter of fact, I knew the IT show would have a better offer, but little did I expect them to throw in so many freebies!!!

Sucks sucks sucks.

When I bought my camera in Jan, I received a free camera case, a battery, an 8GB card and free panoramic prints, for $399, $50 cheaper than the usual price.

And the package for the IT show threw in these other than the above mentioned: Sony tripod, another 8GB card and a DVD player, all for $329.

Yeap, you read it right, a free DVD player. And so much cheaper!

I should have know, you know. All along, I had always chose to purchase such gadgets during IT show, I really had no inkling why I made such an impulse buy. Maybe perhaps at that time, I thought the offer was very good already.

Argh...

Update: I forgot to mention, but they also included a screen protector which I bought for $15. -_-|||

I fell in love today...

Mango Gelee Cake from Mangoesity

This is by far the BEST mango cake I ever ate!!!
On my first bite, I thought, wow, this mango cake has very nice texture!
On my second bite, the mango slices was filling all my sensory nerves!
On my third bite, I had this warm and fuzzy feeling rushing through my body!
I finished on my fourth mouthful and lamented why did I eat so quickly!?!?!
I was high for the next 5 minutes.
My last 10 minutes was having withdrawal symptoms, craving for the cake.

I was telling my colleagues, that after eating the cake, I had a 幸福的感觉 (feeling of happiness), and when I looked the box later, the tagline was "The sense of bliss"!!!! How true!!! I swear I didn't notice the tagline before I said I was feeling happiness. For a moment I suspected they drugged the cake lor, making me craved for it. During my "five high", I was repeating to my colleagues how nice it was, and how happy I was feeling. Then one of them started to replay my inner struggle: The cake is obviously very nice that's why you didn't share. Or maybe you had wanted to share but you change your mind after the first bite.

Spot on, and I was giggling out of guiltiness.

Apparently, another colleague's gf had eaten before and was addicted like me. And she was pretty pissed off that he had neither brought her back there to eat the cake or buy the cake for her. See, the power of a delicious cake.

My very descriptive colleague said I was mourning for the loss of cake during the time I was having withdrawal symptoms. Ha ha, very funny. And as much as I tried to act cool afterwards, my face already betrayed my feelings: I was ecstatic about the cake.

Oh man... I just wished for a tiny piece now.

I had so much thoughts on my way to work...

and all I could remember was the cut queue incident.

And soggy biscuit.

I'm not going to forgive my colleagues who told me this really disgusting jackass prank among guys and now I have this horrible image stuck in my head.

He further elaborated a female version with red tomato pasta, before lunch. -_-||| and we saw a lady clearing the pad bins coming out from the lift. Double horror!

Argh... disgusting!

Sometimes, all we need to do is just open our bloody mouths and speak up!

When I was in secondary school, my Chinese teacher said that we Singaporeans were all rich people, coz we all have gold, inside our mouths. It was a sarcasm, because we were so afraid to speak up, as if gold would drop out if we opened the mouth.

Many times, I would hold all the grudges and complaints inside me, and blast them at some 3rd party like my colleagues. Cases such as people jumping queue, people bumping you, all we could was grudging the stupid fellow and complained to our friends, who would usually ask, "Why didn't you do this this this, that that that?" Why? Because we were afraid the other party would slam us back worse.

There was an occasion where a NSF cut my queue to the bus, you know, the railings in the interchange, he wasn't in it. And all I did was trying to see his name tag and wanted to complain to Mindef's appropriate channel. By the time I reached home, I totally forgot his name and anger was appeased already. However, today, I was feeling plucky. When I noticed that this NSF (not the same one) was about to cut my queue, I quickly raised my right hand to block him, and tell him "Please queue up".

I felt very shiok, and he did wait until he was behind the queue. I realized, many times, we do not have to "suffer in silence". If we are in the right and they are in the wrong, there's nothing to fear. Now I think back about my past, I'm really a wimp.

Not anymore.

四大美女欢聚Ajisen!!!

It's been a long long time since YQ, IV, XL and me met up TOGETHER! It's always either XL can't make it, or YQ got to rush home to her precious boy, or IV too busy to meet us. Today we finally had dinner together and discuss about XL's wedding plans! So exciting!

Other than IV got hitched to a new squeeze, nothing else is new, and at least now we agree to meet up once a month! Now we left TN who has yet to meet us frequently.

Parting with them is always 舍不得 (reluctant). Hope to see them soon!

Do Zo

I admit, I am a suaku/suahuan/suatao/sua whatever, I've never been to such classy dining place before. If it wasn't for PZ, I wouldn't have know that such a dining place exist. Do Zo is a Japanese fusion casual dining restaurant. It doesn't overwhelm your brain with too much food choices, still, I had a hard time choosing my 7 courses because I want to eat them all! It is almost like a fine dining already, with 3 sets of forks and knives and a spoon. I was really shicked at the cutlery, until PZ told me to work my way in, and I was more or less not so afraid of picking the wrong one. =P

It was very dim with soft yellow lights only, but because the main interior color was purple, so it had a grand feel. It was so quiet that I almost whispered during my conversation with PZ. That was also why my photos looked dark, as I switched off the flash, not wanting to spoil the atmosphere they created.

Yeap, a lot of couples there, perfect dating place. I want to go back again!!!

The left side of the munu

The right side

A sourish drink to clear our palate. It's yummy!

Appetizer of the day, this one is default. The scallop is huge!!!

Beef Tataki. It's raw and  it's nice! Perfect with the Parmesan Cheese. 

PZ's crab salad, very fresh!

Escargot, the shell is for decoration purpose. The meat is in the dish.

My foie gras chawanmushi! Love love love it! It has a 10cent size truffle!

Crab bisque, ah, smooth down the throat!

PZ's beef soup.

My lamb shank!!! I love the sauce! The flavor is not too salty.

PZ's hotstone beef. Super tender.

Raspberry mousse. Heavenly match with the ko ko krunch biscuits.

Grapefruit Glory. Aids digestion. The drink is so fresh!

French Cream Cheese Cake. PZ said the flavour was bursting inside her mouth, which I totally agree. Texture is somewhat between a normal cake and the Jap Cheese Cake. Nice!

Psychological Test: Types of Personalities from your dream.

I thought this is interesting. It was from today's MyPaper. As you read the question, you try to visualize before you look at the choices, more accurate,

For question 7, I chose B, and it fitted exactly what I was feeling a few days ago: "I felt like I belong to nowhere, or I never felt like I belong to anywhere".
What it says was I'm lonely and lack sense of belonging, but as long as I keep my doors open, I'll meet someone good. It was referring to relationship, but the sense of belonging part really hit the nail. The rest of the question also spot-on on my current situation. I won't say much, but this test is pretty good, at least for me.

Have a try!

Rollercoaster mood

My mood went through a bloody hell of a roller coaster ride today.

I was grouchy when I went to work due to lack of sleep (3 -4 hrs).

I was pissed off that I missed the usual bus by 2 mins and the next bus came 30mins later.

I was elated when I knew my colleague was late too and I could hitch a ride to the office.

I was unsure when my team lead asked me about my work progress.

I was regretful when I informed my team lead I am not continuing the contract.

I was sad when my team lead tried so hard to persuade me but I insisted on my decision.

I was happy when I finally ended work on half day.

I was excited to see my friend and chatted non stop.

I was irritated when my friend had to talk about this other friend whom she hardly knew and trying to get info out of me.

I was rejoicing when I got a good bargain while shopping.

I was delighted when I shared good food with the friend.

I was joyful when I reached home.

I was shocked when I saw my boss's boss email about my mistake on the claim ID.

I was depressed after reading the email and pondered about myself and the future.

I felt, I belong to nowhere or I never belong to anywhere.

Where's my future? I don't see it.

Interesting

This is my horoscope for today by MyPaper.

Hello, it happened last Saturday!!!

The posts for the next one month most likely will be raves and raves and raves.

Okie... My excitement is slowing diminishing...

It's the 5th day since I watched the Chippendales. I don't feel that oxytocinic rush that washed through my body each time I view that wonderful photo. =)

Monday I was still very hyped and was telling my male colleagues how wonderful they are. Bods, smile, bods, achievements, bods, yah bods mostly. ;P

Tuesday I was able to remain calm and composed until someone mentioned that army boys very fit (we saw a troop of army boys in CV rambling down the hills when we came back from lunch), I coudn't resist and mentioned they are far from fit and started talking about Chippendales again. Ha ha.

Today, it was more of a discussion about them. Like they aren't just pretty men, some have their own business, some just want to travel around the world while they are still young. They all knew they can't possibly be a Chippendale till they are 80, although some fans don't mind I guess. Ha ha.

I didn't really interact with them during the after party, all I cared was the photos. I think I was really a bit sex-struck, ha ha. Actually, I'm not good at holding at conversation with strangers and them being Chippendales, I felt like I was awestruck most of the time, and the fear of feeling stupid if I mouth any words out.

Then I felt the envy when I saw girls (hot and sexy too) talking to them like old friends. "I think it is to engage them in a conversation and able to hold the conversation", Miss Gwee said. She had a good one with Kyle though. =) Right?

Then maybe because I didn't get to interact with them, so I cyber stalk them. Ha ha. I dished every news, video, photos I could get, especially those on David Abrams. Heh heh. Most news actually gave each of them  a very detailed profile and from there, I seemed to know them better and better. Okie, I sound scary by now, like I'm really stalking them, actually it is more of going back to my youthful days when I like Jimmy Lin and cut all news on him. Just now I'm now after more mature theme and internet makes everything really easy. Eh hem.

Back to them and their jobs, no job is easy but I think they had an interesting one, no doubt. If women were to do such kind  revue, most of the time it ended up with dirty old man watching them lewdly. Being men doesn't mean they enjoyed all the touching crazy women does while they are performing. They flirted on stage doesn't mean they want to get down under the ladies after the show. After I watched the Omy news, I realized they are just doing their jobs as a performer and full stop. They are fulfilling every women's desire and fantasy om stage, with the dance moves and great bods.

When I was waiting for my turn to take picture with them, with the 2 $10 bills in my hand, the guy taking the money just said Thank you and grabbed it while chewing some gum. Wah... either I felt so cheap or that guy made it feel really cheap. I think I understand how it feels to pay for sex, roughly. Thankfully, they were so nice and friendly and nothing too fliratatious, and were so obliging to all sorts of requests, like a lady requested them to carry her. After all those dancing, I think I just want a nap. Well, maybe their biceps were just warming up during the show. I very shy, so all I did was touch the chest. Although now I wished I turned the other side. All in all, it's like taking photos with the USS mascots, albeit better looking.

Okie, kinda losing track of my main point. I think Chippendales is so popular, not only because they are so good looking and oozes sex appeal left right up down and front. You never know how many ladies who attended that night, probably yearned the kind of affection they gave for years, which they probably never got it or their significant other is losing it. One of my colleague said, they are trained to make you feel good, make you feel like you are their girlfriend, now I digest it, I think it makes them sound like gigolo. Well, Deuce Bigalow did a good job without having any sex ah! And yes I admit, I love that photo so much because it totally looks like we are a couple! Minus the ugly double chin. -_-||| Inner desperado showing out again. Ha ha.

Maybe that is why I am so crazy about them (or one in particular), because they are so near yet so far. 越得不到越想要 you know. Still, I'm logical enough to make this just a crazy fan thing, for maybe a month?

Do you know most of them all are still single? ^_^


Omy News

I especially like the last part, I think Kris really gets across the point that they are really just performers.

Chippendales - Most Wanted Tour 2011

Miss Gwee had lobangs to catch Chippendales - Most Wanted Tour 2011, how could I miss it? Too bad that we couldn't film in the ballroom, hence no hot and saucy videos for you ladies to see, but hey, at least I have some photos! =)

I really enjoyed myself that night, letting myself go, but not as much as the other ladies who were there. Seriously, I wonder whether it was the Chippendales seducing us or the other way round. So many ladies dressed so sexily that they could make a Female Chips on their own, Ke ke ke.

About the show, basically, it was just dance and skin. They danced and they took off their clothes. And because they spent so much time training, their bods are fantastic! At some parts of the show, they randomly grabbed ladies on stage and gyrated in front of their faces. Wah! And they really flirted and were really obliging when some cougars dashed right in front of them and grabbed their asses and danced. I applauded their courage. I want to touch also leh, but I shy and seems to be a bit rude if I just grabbed their butts. Lol. Maybe next time I ask politely.

And so it seems that the last show really had more perks than those who caught it first. We could go to Skybar located at the Hotel Michael, where the Chippendales would mingle with us. When we reached there, all the other ladies already chopped a good seat. We arrived a bit late as we went to make RWS membership cards. Free one mah...so why not make it? Anyway, the boys weren't there yet, and I almost mistook the expats there as the Chippendales. LOL. All ang mo mah! Anyway, the expats lost their preying ground when the Chippendales arrived. Ha ha.

Enough words, let's see the photos!!!

Miss Gwee taking a chio chio pic. =) Too bad about the bar behind. =(

My turn for chio chio pic. 

Miss Gwee makes an effort to take one without the bar. Yeah! Thanks!

My rum and her Vodka. Both with coke!

How can 2 pretty gals don't camwhore right?

She makes a better camwhore shot. 

This is Kris Davis. Yes, I cyberstalked them and checked out their names and profiles. =) He's a FengShui believer. 

I can't find this guy's name. We had a name for him anyway. =)

How can a hot guy like be so shy??? He hardly wrapped his hands around me, unlike the other hotness. No, my waist is not that thick hor!

Kyle Efthemes. New Chip on the Block. =) So can't google much info on him.

Miss Gwee said he gives a sunshine vibe, like those Californians. Eh, he's from West Virginia. 

Staceyy Robinson. Tall and cool guy. I nicked him Chocolate and guess what his profile says? "Makes a mean chocolate chip cookie" Har? 1 not enough lah.

The singer of Chippendale. He doesn't strip. At one point I thought he was and ended up he just took off his belt and whipped. Chey. Ha ha. Anyway, he look really disgruntled on the paid photo.

Do you know height is a requirement to be a Chippendale? ;) So he just a singer only, nothing more.

OMG! OMG! OMG! David Abrams! Firstly, he's an Aries, secondly, he has nice voice, thirdly, he's smart!!! He scored 1500 on his SAT's! And I read somewhere that he's super shy!!! OMG, he so scored on my checklist! My eye candy was another guy and David here just blew me away after I took this photo. OMG!!! He's so goody good shoes cute with abs!

I had this naggy thought that this guy might be a wrong number, as in he's not a Chip. But on one of the photos where they went to Phillipines, he was in there. So heng ah, didn't anyhow take photos with Ang Mo. Can't find his name too.

We thought this poster was good until Miss Gwee told me which her fren told her that we missed a gigantic one.

Still, it looks good.

Testing out without flash.

The guy I'm touching has hair more beautiful than mine. His name is Kevin Cornell and he joined Chip because his mother  "forced" him to. LOL.

Hot hot hot!

They showed a lot of butts on stage. 

Miss Gwee posing with all of them.

She wants to be as sexy as them too. Hot!

Poster also must touch some more.

Saw this really cute car! What a night, hot guys hot car! =)

The paid photo. He asked me to touch his chest so I obliged. =D At that point, my eyes only had that Black Tank. I didn't even realized Mr. Abrams is beside me. :P So cute!!! I can died a happy lady. =)

Of all the photos, I like David Abrams' (obvious reason) followed by Kyle Efthemes'. Because they rest their heads on mine!!! This makes the photos so much more interesting!!! I could die smiling.

Bday Big Day!

Well, let the photos do the talking first. =)

It was blasting day! Both my lunar birthday and solar birthday was just a day apart. So I had 2 birthday straight! The Sunday was beautiful, I met up with my bestest friends, starting with the beloved Miss Gwee and Miss Ng. Everytime I met up with them, I was always reminded of my most embarrassing birthday at hall 9. Ha ha. Although we only met for a short 2 hours, I am still very happy that they took time to meet me on my birthday!!! With a good red ang bao from them. Heh heh. Actually, a bit paiseh coz they asked me what to get for me, but I had no idea, so they got a ang bao instead. Anyway, I spent the angbao on Bebe Sheer perfume later. Hee...

Then I met Singapore Rapunzel, Kim. Her hair is so long now!!! Envy~~~ I can't grow such long hair, firstly I have no patience, secondly, long hair doesn't suit me. Anyway, there's always hair extension and wigs. =) We went to have dinner at Waraku, and I'm so loving their butter hotate. 6 pieces $6.80 only!!! Then we went shopping at Alt where we kinda got stucked at the cosmetics section. Hee~~~ 本性难移. I got this really interesting product from Hope Girl, a smudge eraser. Basically, it is a stick moisturizer, and we just kinda apply the product like roll-on on the smudges and it will be removed. It also moisturizes the eye area. I first saw this product by Wynter. She had a same product, by Etude House.

Okay, I sidetracked. To end this loving post, THANK YOU YOU 3 MARVELLOUS LADIES FOR SPENDING MY SPECIAL DAY WITH ME!!!